The Only Exception
by Trapped in a MatchBox
Summary: Up until now she had sworn to herself she was content with loneliness. Because no one had been worth the risk.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This was supposed to be a one-shot, but it turned out to be too long, so I'm doing a two-shot. Hopefully I'll post the second part tomorrow.**

**Now, the idea for this fic came from Paramore's song "The Only Exception". It's very loosely based on it.**

**I hope you like it.**

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**The Only Exception**

When Katie Beckett was in sixth grade, she had her first crush on a boy. His name was Tyler Phillips and she thought he was the cutest boy in her class. She tried to make him notice her and, months later, a kiss happened during her best friend's birthday party. She had gone to the kitchen to grab a soda and he followed her there. They made small talk (she was so nervous that her palms were damp with cold sweat!) and the next thing she knew, he was pressing his lips awkwardly against hers.

She went home that night feeling like the luckiest girl in the world (she had been the first out of her friends to get kissed on the lips by a boy. Was that awesome or what?) and happily recounted her tales to her mom. The next day at school, Tyler behaved like nothing had happened and a few days later, when she confronted him, he told her he had just wanted a kiss, not marry her. She told him he was a jerk and turned her back on him, walking away with her head held high.

Later, at the comfort of her bedroom and in her mother's arms, she cried, mourning her first lost love.

* * *

After that she was bit weary of boys for a few years. She had gone on dates in high school, but nothing ever came out of them, not even during her rebellious phase. She got the physical aspect of being with someone, but she never found what she was really looking for. Even though she showed the world that she could have a no strings attached relationship, inside she was screaming for romance. She wanted to find her Prince Charming and have that kind of love that took her breath away and made her feel like flying.

When she left for college, she had come to terms that maybe this romance thing just wasn't in the cards for her. Then she met Ben Carmichael. He was a biochem major and they met at a party. It felt like love at first sight. She was so excited to have finally found someone she could see herself sharing a life with. Maybe she wasn't cursed like she had previously thought. Maybe there was hope for her to have her happily ever after.

They were together for four months. In January 1999, her mom was murdered. That same year, in February, she caught Ben in bed with her roommate.

She kicked them both out of her life and they took away her hope to love and be loved with them. Her mother's death took her strength away. Ben had been the only good thing holding her together at the time and after he left, she felt like she was drowning. She didn't even miss him; hadn't even been in love with him yet (although she had certainly thought there was potential for that), but she felt like he had been her life preserver in a stormy ocean. With him gone and her father's dive into alcoholism, she couldn't keep her head above the water. She felt like she would suffocate at any moment.

One day, almost a year after her mom died, she was waiting for her dad so they could go to an AA meeting. She felt tired all the time; there were dark circles under her eyes and she felt like she was carrying the entire world on her frail shoulders. All she wanted was to find someone that could help her hold herself together. It couldn't be too much to ask, right?

She walked into a book store and a book caught her attention. It was a mystery novel by this new author called Richard Castle. She had read something about him in the paper the other day; he wasn't even 30 years old and was already on his fourth bestseller. Intrigued, she started reading the first few pages. Twenty minutes later, she was startled out of his fictional world by her dad. She had been so lost in Richard Castle's words that she hadn't even heard her father calling her name for the past two minutes.

Katie Beckett didn't think twice before walking to checkout, book clutched in her hands against her chest, and paying for it.

That book saved her from the world of darkness she had been living in since that cold January night.

* * *

After that, Richard Castle's stories became a constant in her life. His books were the one place she could always return to when things got tough or when she needed to get away from her reality for a couple of hours. Richard Castle became her most reliable source of comfort.

She dated here and there, but none of those men caused her heart to beat faster or the butterflies in her stomach to try and stage a prison break. She tried hard to feel something for them, but it just wasn't there. It never was.

And she suddenly found herself okay with that fact. Her life didn't need to revolve around romance. She had just been promoted to detective status and she couldn't be happier. She figured that if she was meant to find someone, it would happen sooner or later.

Then she worked with Will Sorenson in a case and she thought she saw the potential for a spark there. She was excited. Maybe she wouldn't be doomed to live a loveless life, after all. They dated for six months and then Will accepted a job offer in Boston.

He left her behind.

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She came to the conclusion that maybe this was how her life was supposed to be and that she shouldn't dwell on it so much.

When she caught the case that copied the MO Richard Castle had used in his books, part of her was insanely excited to meet her idol. She had been to autograph sessions, but those things were always so rushed that she had never worked out the courage to say more than her name and thank you when he handed her the book back. But now she would have to talk to him, interrogate him.

It thrilled and terrified her at the same time.

Then Richard Castle proved to be a pain in the ass. The image of the brilliant author she had had until then crumbled to the ground and an immature playboy took its place. When he first started shadowing her, she couldn't stand him.

But somehow, along the way, she found herself enjoying his company. When he wasn't being a complete childish jerk, he could be funny and nice. Of course he hit on her all the time and invaded her personal space at every chance he got, but she didn't let it affect her. Or rather, she didn't let him see that it affected her and gave back as good as she got.

Will Sorenson came back to New York and she thought that the universe was giving them a second chance. Maybe, _just maybe _things could work out this time. But he got shot. Castle told her that he had been investigating her mother's case and had found something new.

Detective Kate Beckett felt overwhelmed. It was too much at once. Will left again (and she wasn't surprised this time) and she banished Castle from her life. She had asked him to respect one thing and one thing only. If he couldn't do at least that, then she couldn't trust him with anything.

Suddenly she found herself alone again. No love, no comfort from Castle's books. This time, she had lost an old boyfriend, her safe haven and something very close to a friend.

Oh well.

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Up until then, she had sworn to herself that she was content with loneliness. No one that crossed her path seemed to be worth the risk.

Somehow, Castle wormed his way back into her life. Although she acted annoyed around him, she was more than pleased that he came back. She would have denied it even under torture, but she had actually missed him. Not that she would ever tell him, of course.

The months passed by and her feelings for Castle started evolving. When she looked at him, she saw him as a friend and as the potential for something more. She knew he reciprocated her feelings, but she was still afraid. His reputation spoke for itself and she wasn't too keen on putting her heart on the line just to be left in the dust when he got bored of her.

So she tried to ignore her growing feelings for her favorite author (she was beyond flattered that he was basing the protagonist of his next book on her, but she would never tell him that) and carried on with her life. When Detective Tom Demming asked her out and she said yes, it had felt like the right thing to do. But then Castle looked so miserable that she didn't know what to do.

Tom was a gentleman and treated her right. She had fun with him and he seemed to genuinely care about her. She couldn't say she was in love, but… you know, he was a good place holder for whoever it was that it was supposed to be in her life. She didn't believe that she would ever find her Prince Charming, but that didn't mean she couldn't distract herself in the meantime.

As the weeks wore on, her relationship with Castle got more and more strained. He looked devastated. She knew he was trying to hide it and play it cool, but at this point, she already knew him. The fact that she was dating Tom was bothering Castle and she had no idea why. If he was jealous, why didn't he just say so? It wasn't like he could ever just keep his mouth shut.

But he never did.

It took Esposito spelling it out to her for Kate to finally take action. She wanted Castle (she wouldn't be hypocritical and deny that her feelings for him had ever disappeared) and he wanted her, so why not do something about it, right?

She broke up with Tom and took a deep breath to gather the courage to go talk to Castle. She wasn't used to wear her heart on her sleeve like that, but she couldn't deny this anymore. It was a big risk and she knew that it could potentially ruin everything between them. But he wanted her too. They would be okay. They should at least try.

Then his ex-wife appeared out of thin air and whisked him away for the summer in the Hamptons.

Kate Beckett was once again left alone and promised herself she would not go through this again. This heartache just wasn't worth it.

It wasn't like it was love.

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During that summer she met Josh Davison. He was a cardiothoracic surgeon and such a nice guy. They hit it off immediately and even though that spark she longed to feel was missing, he was a good distraction from Castle. It had been over two months already and he hadn't even called.

Kate resigned herself, thinking it was probably for the best. She and Castle wouldn't have worked out, anyway.

Then he came back. Once again, he wormed his way into her life and this time he started breaking down her walls more easily. He became her safe haven. Not his books, but _him_, Richard Alexander Rodgers, the man behind the famous author. They saw each other every day, even during the weekends. When she had a day off and Josh and Gina weren't available, they would always do something together.

She relied on him more and more. When Detective Raglan called her that day, she didn't even think twice before going to his place and asking him to be there for her. He understood her in a way that no one ever had. Those three days were hell for her and Rick Castle was her rock. He was the life preserver that she held onto so she wouldn't drown in her obsession again. He helped her hold herself together.

He kissed her.

He saved her life.

She felt that spark.

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A few months later, she realized that what she felt for Castle could be described as love. She didn't know when it happened. She just suddenly had this epiphany one day when she was watching him cook at his loft. She had broken up with Josh three months before and they were both single and seeing each other outside of the precinct more and more.

He was making some mac and cheese for them after a long day at work. They had been working since 5am and she was exhausted. He had offered to cook them something and then a movie night for her to relax and she couldn't say no. Once they were at the loft, she wanted to help, but he just told her to enjoy her drink and let the master work his magic. She rolled her eyes at him with a small smile and he grinned at her with a wink, turning back to the stove to work on their dinner.

That was when realization dawned upon her.

She loved him.

And she was okay with that.

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**Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I lied. This is not going to be a two-shot because these characters _cannot stop talking._ I have no choice but to let them do their thing. Because of that, this is now going to be three, maybe four chapters long. I couldn't get even half of what I wanted crammed into this chapter, so I'm going to split it in two. I really wanted to keep going, but I'm too tired and I know I promised this chapter yesterday so...**

**Anyway, I know it's a bit shorter than usual, but hope you like it. Thank you so much for the incredible reviews. You guys rock my world.**

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**The Only Exception**

**Chapter 2**

A few weeks passed by after Kate's epiphany. She didn't do anything, though, was too chicken to actually tell him she loved him, so they carried on with their endless dance. The only thing that was different was that she was a lot more aware of his touches (those were coming at a disturbing frequency too. When had that even happened?) and how he would look at her when he thought she wasn't looking.

She knew there was something there. There had always been. But even with that knowledge, she couldn't bring herself to make the first move. What if it was all in her head? What if he had given upon her and only wanted her friendship? What if they did start a relationship and ended up hating each other?

The what ifs were just too many to fit into the equation in her mind and she just wasn't willing to risk it. She would have to settle for his friendship and that way, everyone would be happy. Except her. And him.

God, why did this have to be so difficult?

Kate was at a loss one summer night. She had all these feelings bubbling up inside of her and she didn't know what to do with them. She wanted him so badly that it was almost physically painful. She had to do something about it or she felt she just might explode of frustration and pent up desire.

It was his birthday and they had all gone to his house in the Hamptons for the weekend to celebrate. It was late and the festivities were still at full swing. Castle had decided to do a luau and there were torches surrounding the house, music, good food and liquor flowing freely. The full moon illuminated the beach and its reflection on the ocean was almost hypnotizing.

Kate found herself staring at it for a long while. She had started to feel a little overwhelmed with all the happy couples there. Loneliness had never been an issue for her, but that night she felt it threatening to swallow her whole. Looking at her friends happily in love with their respective significant others drove her crazy because she knew that the object of her affections was right within her reach.

With a sigh, she took a sip of her beer and walked down to the ocean, her dress billowing in the wind. It was a welcome distraction of the suffocating heat they had had all day. She stared at the moon's reflection and allowed the ocean to bury her feet in the sand as it came and went. She didn't know how long she stood there, trying to keep her mind blank and block out the sounds of the party. She found that focusing on the sound of the waves crashing in front of her helped her mind to settle for a moment.

She was startled out of her thoughts when she felt someone touching her shoulder. She didn't even have to turn around to know who it was; she knew his touch – she was_ that_ smitten. When she felt his breath tickling her ear, she bit her lip.

"What are you doing here all by your lonesome?" he whispered, his hand now resting on her waist.

She looked up at him and offered a small, shy smile.

"Just thinking." She told him and looked back at the ocean. He applied a little pressure on her waist, pulling her slightly closer to him, so that her back was almost touching his chest.

"Yeah? Care to share what is going through that beautiful mind of yours?" he asked playfully and she chuckled.

"No." she said quietly and looked up at him again. He looked slightly disappointed and she swallowed hard. "At least, not yet." She added and decided to take a chance, relaxing against him.

He stiffened for a moment and she waited to see how he would react. They had touched plenty of times, but never like this. Never so intimately. She heard him let out a breath and relax and only then she allowed herself to relax as well. His hand squeezed her waist lightly and he pulled her closer, now wrapping his arms around her. It was her turn to freeze for an instant when she was suddenly enveloped by his warmth, but she decided to give into it.

They stood there in silence, bodies touching, as they watched the waves crash at their feet.

It was progress.

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Two weeks after that weekend in the Hamptons, Kate found herself at the gala fundraiser for the scholarship in her mother's honor. She had planned this with Castle for months and he had let her have a say in each and every detail of the event if she so desired. That night, she was fighting hard against her emotions. Thinking about her mother always caused her feelings to go haywire, but _this_… this was pushing her to the limit. Honoring her mother's memory had been her dream for a long time and she couldn't believe it was finally happening.

The fact that it was Castle who had initiated this whole thing warmed her heart and terrified her at the same time. She knew exactly what he was telling her with this gesture. He cared for her, he wanted to see her happy, he wanted to make her dreams come true.

She got the message loud and clear.

"You look breathtaking." He whispered in her ear and she smiled, biting her lip.

Her dress was a deep green and hugged her body just right. Her back was bare she wore her hair up, with a few strands framing her face.

"Thank you." She said, self-consciously pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "You don't look so bad yourself." She told him with a grin.

"Why, thank you, Detective Beckett. I aim to please." He replied with a wink and she rolled her eyes. "So what do you think?" he asked, gesturing to the ballroom.

"I think we did a good job." She told him with a smile. "Thank you for doing this, Rick. You have no idea what this means to me." She confessed and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"It's my pleasure, Kate. I just want to see you happy."

He kissed her cheek, lingering a second too long and left her when they called him up to the stage. She followed him with her eyes, a hand touching her cheek where she could still feel the tingling sensation left behind by the touch of his lips. He got up on the stage and greeted the crowd. She could see all her closest friends there.

Her father was sitting with her family – his sister, her husband and kids and her mother's brother – and she smiled when she saw him discreetly wiping a tear away. She knew this was difficult for him too, but that he was incredibly happy they were honoring Johanna Beckett's memory like this. She thought about her mom and knew that she would be proud of what they were doing in her name. Her legacy would live on and it was all thanks to Rick Castle.

She turned her attention back to Castle, just in time to listen to him saying that he wished he could have met her mother. He proceeded to say how many people she had helped and that she had been an incredible woman and the biggest proof of that was her extraordinary daughter.

Kate felt the knot in her throat tightening and the tears that had been threatening to spill were suddenly running down her cheeks. It was too much. She couldn't take this anymore. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard; when she looked at the stage again, she saw him looking straight at her, a concerned look on his face as he wrapped up his speech. She tried to smile at him to let him know everything was fine, but failed miserably.

When a sob threatened to escape, she knew she had to get out of there.

She ran out to the closest balcony and leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath and reign in her erratic emotions. She couldn't take this anymore. Her heart wasn't cut out to have so many feelings running through it at once.

Kate wasn't surprised when she heard the door open and close. She knew he would come after her, it was just who he is. He leaned against the wall next to her, their shoulders touching, and waited.

"I'm sorry." She broke the silence after a few minutes.

"You okay?" he asked and she could hear the concern in his voice.

"Yeah." She looked at him for the first time since he had found her and the look in his eyes almost took her breath away.

"You sure?" he insisted, taking her hand in his and she nodded.

"It was just… too much, you know? This fundraiser, everything you've done for me lately, my feelings, my mom… I just… it was overwhelming all of a sudden."

He pulled her into a hug and she felt the tears threatening to escape again.

"You know I'm always here, right? For anything you need, even if it's to do nothing at all." He murmured against her hair and she nodded.

"I know. You've been so good to me lately, Rick. I don't know what I'd do without you." She admitted and bit her lip, nervously. She wasn't sure if she was ready for an all out confession. "I just…" she trailed off, letting out a heavy sigh.

He touched her chin making her look at him.

"If you're happy, Kate, then that's all that matters to me." He said with a smile.

His hold on her tightened and she found herself leaning in involuntarily. Her lips touched his hesitantly and she let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding when he kissed her back. They started out slow, testing this unknown territory, but soon there was a fury of lips and tongues and teeth and she was fighting a moan that wanted desperately to escape. Her body was suddenly on fire and she couldn't get as close enough to him as she wanted. She felt rather than heard a growl and that made her abdomen tighten deliciously in anticipation of what could possibly come out of this.

She wanted him. Badly.

And now she could have him.


End file.
